Chapter 10 : Beyond Behaviors
Overview
This chapter provides insight into child behavior and what intentional and positive guidance is within a developmentally appropriate context. The content of this chapter is presented in a positive or strengths-based approach to support children as they grow, develop, and learn. This approach centers on our lens looking for and identifying a child’s strengths as a starting point for our work (Dweck, 2016).
The foundation begins with building a shared definition of what[GL]guidance is, as well as why it is not. Throughout the chapter you will examine the basis of behaviors both seen and unseen. It is also important to delve into some background and information about neurodiversity and trauma, and how this relates to and impacts behavior. The chapter will also address how emotions, psychological state, and social relationships influence child behavior. The final focus area is communication with families along with mutual perspectives in guidance and the role of reflective practice.
Objectives
- Define behavior: what behavior is and is not.
- Explain the role of relationships in influencing a child’s behavior.
- Create a plan for communication with families- sharing and reflecting mutual perspectives.
- Describe the social and emotional connections to behavior, including:
- Social Emotional foundations of Early learning
- Classroom Climate
- Guiding Social Behaviors
- Trauma, and behavior: the role of neurodiversity in behavior and the relationship between trauma and behavior.
Key Terms
- Affect
- Behavior
- Challenging Behavior
- Communication
- Compliance
- Effect
- Emotional Development
- Executive Function
- Guidance
- Intentional
- Interactions
- Outcome
- Planned Ignoring
- Relationship
- Self-regulation
- Social Development
- Strengths-Based Approach
“Adults who are respectful of children are not just modeling a skill or behavior, they are meeting the emotional needs of those children, thereby helping to create the psychological conditions for children to treat others respectfully.”
~Alfie Kohn (1997, para. 6)
10.1 What is Behavior?
According to Merriam-Webster, behavior is a noun, and used to describe “the way in which someone conducts oneself or behaves,” “the manner of conducting oneself,” as in “anything that an organism [like a child] does involving action and response to stimulation,” and “the response of an individual, group, or species to its environment,” and finally, “the way in which something functions or operates” (2024).
You learned in [crossref:4]Chapter 4[/crossref]about temperament. Temperament is a child’s regular way of reacting with their environment, and is a developmental characteristic that intersects social, emotional, and physical development. Because it has genetic underpinnings, it is important to note that behavior includes not only the way in which one acts or conducts oneself, but especially how one acts or interacts toward others. Likewise, behavior is the way a person acts in response to a particular situation. Behavior has two purposes:
- to get something or
- to avoid something.
Children learn all behaviors. They learn from watching others and we learn from the reactions we get in response to behavior. As behavior is learned, it can also be unlearned. When we stop and ask the question “why is this behavior occurring?” we can identify the opportunity to teach new, more appropriate behaviors as replacement.
All behavior is communication. This communication happens every moment of every day. This important function is a signal that a child may not have the words or skills to tell you what they need, so they communicate with behavior (Morin, n.d.). It can also be that a child does not even know what they need! When we understand and acknowledge this communication that is the basis of unwanted behavior or “misbehavior,” we can work to change that communication into a form that is socially acceptable, safe, and healthy.
Behavior is observable. It is what we see and what we can hear, such as a child throwing a block, standing up, speaking, whispering, yelling, or arguing with a classmate. On the reverse side, behavior is how a feeling is expressed, not what the child is feeling. An example of expressing a feeling is that a child may show anger by rolling her eyes, making a face, yelling, or crossing his arms, and turning away from the adult. These are observable actions and are more descriptive than just stating that the child looks anxious.
Behavior is measurable. This means that the early care and education professional can define and describe the behavior in objective, concrete, fact-based terms. The adult can easily identify the behavior when it occurs, including when the behavior begins, ends, and how often it occurs. An example of this is taken from circle time and a child who is “interrupting all the time.” This behavior is not measurable because it is not specific. However, stating that “Holly yells, ‘teacher!’ 4 times during circle time” is specific, and we can measure and track the data each day at circle time. Using this operational definition of objective data, anyone observing in the classroom would be able to identify specifically which behavior the teacher is working to change.
Behavior does not occur in isolation (Delahooke, 2019). The process of behavior has three parts:
- The action or event that comes first (the trigger)
- The resulting behavior(s)
- The consequences of or reaction to the behavior.
Behaviors are visible. This visibility is in terms of desired and undesired behaviors. Think for a moment in terms of behavior being like a tree and its root system. Above the ground we see and observe the behavior. What we do not see is the part of the tree and its root system that is below the ground. It is the same with behavior. We see the actions and manifestations of the behavior. We do not see the underlying characteristics of feelings, thinking and attitude(s).
Behavior falls under the domain of social and emotional development. Children are born with the want and need to connect with those around them. When parents and teachers along with other caregivers create positive relationships with children beginning at birth and continuing through the early years, they support and are responsive to their diverse cultures and languages. Children who have strong social and emotional skills are more likely to feel safe and secure in life. These children also have the skills to create a base for strong and positive relationships and those relationships are observed in how children experience the world, how they express themselves, manage their emotions, and establish strong and meaningful relationships with others.
“Where did we ever get the crazy idea that to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse?” ~ Jane Nelsen et al. (2001, p. 49)
10.1.2 Observable (seen) and Unobservable (unseen) Behavior
Let’s begin this section with a visual. In the photo below you see a tree on the side of a cliff. Above the ground, the leaves and branches represent what is seen or observable related to behavior(s).
Below the ground, the roots represent what is not seen and therefore unobservable related to behavior(s).
It’s important to remember the concept of observable vs. non-observable as related to behaviors, as we will not always be able to see the root cause of the behaviors. This chapter will help us to be better prepared for many kinds of behaviors in the classroom and home.
Figure 10.1
Exposed gnarly roots in Fall River Park
Behaviors are an outcome (or result) that can be observed. Above the ground the behaviors we see children say and do might include indicators adapted from Mona Delahooke’s work Beyond Behaviors (2019):
- Saying nice things to others or nothing at all
- Asking the person to borrow their belonging before using it
- Follow directions the first time
- Working quietly while others finish their work
- Keeping hands and feet to self
- Raising hand and waiting quietly
- Respecting others
- Being agreeable
- Calling other students bad names
- Taking other students’ belongings without asking
- Arguing or refusing to comply with adult requests or directions
- Disturbing others while they are working
- Punching or kicking others
- Blurting out answers
- Bullying others
- Arguing
A child’s behavior may not be communicating what it seems outwardly. Every behavior has a motivation or purpose. While we cannot assume that we know the motivation for the behavior, we can observe the results of the motivations. Those observations must be objective, factual, and descriptive to assist in identification of the motivation. Any of these motivations can be the reason for behavior (Delahooke, 2019):
- I feel angry.
- I feel frustrated.
- I feel scared.
- I feel happy.
- I feel loved.
- I feel proud.
- I feel lonely.
- I feel worried.
- I feel embarrassed.
- I feel sad.
- I feel sick.
- I am tired.
- I am hungry.
- Am I safe?
- Do I belong?
- Am I respected?
- Am I understood?
- Am I accepted?
- Do I matter?
- Am I loved?
- Can I do things by myself?
Also “under the surface” that are not seen are (Delahooke, 2019):
- social skills
- basic needs
- ·physical safety
- need to belong
- security
- hunger
- Thoughts
- sadness
- [GL]executive functioning
- environmental stressors
- attention
- sleep
- attachment
- need for connection
- need for attention
- sensory needs
- emotions
- self-esteem
- developmental level
- fear
- anger
- power
The theory behind the tree and root provides a visual model of childhood behavior. In considering this model we see that there are many things that influence the way that children act and react, and include the skills, knowledge, experience, social role or values, self-image, traits, and motives. Under the surface in the root system; it is essential to consider the importance of the unseen forces that can shape and influence behaviors.
As adults, we need to take the time to understand behavior and the motivations or causes of behavior. True behavior “problems” or challenges are those that are continuous and that get in the child’s way of social relationships, communication, and learning. These misunderstood behaviors can potentially cause harm to the child, the family, other children, and other adults.
Have you heard of the distinction between “intent” and “impact”? Intent refers to the motives driving our actions or conversations, originating from our thoughts and emotions. On the other hand, impact relates to how others feel in response to our words or deeds. It encompasses the emotional reaction they experience. Recognizing this difference can facilitate better communication. By expressing our intent, we can help both children and adults understand our perspective (ADL Education, 2022). And by considering the impact of our actions and words, we can avoid unintentional harm. It’s essential to keep in mind both intent and impact when interacting with others. It can truly make a significant difference in the communication process.
Reflection
All behaviors are communication, all behaviors have meaning and purpose, and are both seen and unseen. Think in terms of the tree presented above.
- The leaves and branches are seen, and we can observe changes and growth.
- The roots are below ground, hidden, and not easy to see or observe, yet they are a vital part of the whole tree.
- The same can be said for behavior.
- Some aspects are easily seen or observed, while the “invisible” characteristics are equally important to determining motivation and change.
Now, draw your own image of a tree and list behaviors you have seen or experienced on the leaves, branches and roots of the tree.
10.2 The role of relationships: How relationships and behavior(s) connect.
Now that we have a shared understanding of how behavior is defined, this section of the chapter will support you to explore and reflect on the connection between relationships and behavior. Did you know that relationships with others may influence behavior either positively or negatively?
Look closely for a moment on this photo of the young boy playing Jenga. As he moves and/or removes the blocks, the structure becomes unbalanced and even unpredictable. A child’s behavior and the relationships in his or her life can mirror this game of Jenga.
According to the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child (NSCDC) at Harvard University (2004/2009), young children experience their world as an environment of relationships, and these relationships affect practically every aspect of their development:
Stated simply, relationships are the “active ingredients” of the environment’s influence on healthy human development. They incorporate the qualities that best promote competence and well-being – individualized responsiveness, mutual action-and-interaction, and an emotional connection to another human being, be it a parent, peer, grandparent, aunt, uncle, neighbor, teacher, coach, or any other person who has an important impact on the child’s early development. Relationships engage children in the human community in ways that help them define who they are, what they can become, and how and why they are important to other people. (p. 1)
When children have secure and stable relationships with caring adults, they tend to be more proficient in developing warm and positive relationships with others. They are also “more excited about learning, more positive about coming to school, more self-confident” (NSCDC, 2004/2009, p. 2), and have stronger skills getting along with others.
It is also important to understand that the relationships children have with other children also inform and influence their behavior (Bandura, 1977). Young children learn from each other how to share, how to participate in shared interactions such as, taking turns, the reciprocal acts of giving, and receiving, how to respect and accept the needs and wants of others, and how to manage their own impulses.
Simply being around other children, however, is not enough to build the skills for positive behaviors. The development of friendships is critical, as children learn and play more competently in the relationships created and nurtured with their friends rather than when they are struggling with the social challenges that may occur when interacting with casual acquaintances or unfamiliar peers. Positive relationships and positive behaviors all add to healthy brain development and depend upon the relationships with individuals in the child’s close community as well as in the family (NSCDC, 2004/2009).
It is within that context of family that we must remember that “everything we think, say, and do is processed through our own cultural backgrounds” and our individual lens (Kaiser & Rasminsky, 2019-2020, para. 1). Recognizing the diversity that exists in our communities, schools, and classrooms will help us be more aware of influences on children’s behaviors and therefore develop realistic expectations and interventions regarding behaviors.
We begin developing this understanding of culture by looking critically at ourselves. This includes a close inspection of our beliefs, our values, and our practices. When thinking about behavior specifically, it is important to identify our cultural expectations for:
- independence vs. interdependence,
- standing out in a group vs. being modest or less visible
- promoting self vs. group focus
- personal property vs. shared
Knowledge of ourselves then becomes the foundation to scaffold and build an understanding of how the cultures of the families we work with impact their children’s behavior. We can only learn about the cultures of others through conversations and interactions with them. This knowledge comes directly from the families and is very personal and individual to the family.
Your culture and those of the children enrolled are the starting point for being culturally responsive. Going further, it is important to remember that:
Every school and early childhood education program has a culture too. The cultures of most American schools are based on White European American values. As the makeup of the U.S. population becomes more diverse, there is more cultural dissonance—which impacts children’s behavior. (Kaiser & Rasminsky, 2019-2020, para. 17)
Think about this in terms of classroom practice. Children may not understand the classroom rules you have set because they do not speak the language used at school. Did you know that some languages have no words for I, me, or mine (Kaiser & Rasminsky, 2019-2020)? It is because the way you respond to children’s behavior and conflict is bound to your own culture, that it is common to get the wrong idea about a child’s words or behaviors. When you observe a child’s behavior that appears to be noncompliant, ask yourself if that behavior could be culturally influenced. Honest and open conversations with the family will help you understand and respect their cultural beliefs and practices regarding education and child development.
Engaging in informed practice on our part will influence equity in our approaches and expectations, guiding us to support all children to succeed in our classrooms and programs. With growing diversity in the U.S. population, children will find themselves more frequently in classroom environments that may not match or reflect their home culture. It is our goal to support children to feel included and understood, versus being “confused, isolated, alienated, conflicted, and less competent because what they’ve learned so far in their home culture simply doesn’t apply” (Kaiser & Raminsky, 2019-2020, para. 20).
“Affirm the child, not the behavior” Dan Gartrell (2020, p. 10)
10.2.3 Relationships and Responsive Teaching
In terms of relationships, when you as the teacher are responsive to the children’s culture, you are better able to form genuine and caring relationships with the children and their families. You can scaffold on this to build on what the child already knows and can do and identify their next steps for learning. This information will help you choose and implement appropriate activities and strategies that honor children’s cultures as well as life experiences and teach children what they need to know and do to be successful in the world today (Kaiser & Rasminsky, 2019-2020).
The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning (CSEFEL) outlines the fundamental importance of positive relationships in a handout by Gail Joseph and Phillip Strain (2010). When adults invest time and effort in teaching proactively prior to behavior “events,” children are more successful in achieving improved behavior change, even in situations that might lead to escalating challenging behavior. The key is communicating non-contingent affection and unquestioned valuing of children. The bottom line is that success is dependent on building a positive relationship first. Adults need to invest the time and attention with children as a precedent to the optimum use of sound behavior change strategies (Joseph & Strain, 2010).
The first step is to invest the time in relationship building, and the second is to understand that as your relationships with the child become stronger, so does your potential influence on their behavior. Children will “cue in” on the presence of you as a meaningful and caring adult and will attend differentially and selectively to what you say and do, continuing to seek out ways to ensure even more positive attention from the adult (Lally et al., 1988).
Joseph and Strain (2010) share these strategies for you to use as you work to build relationships with children:
- Carefully analyzing each compliance task (e.g., “time to go paint”) and, where possible, shifting that compliance task to a choice for children (e.g., “Do you want to paint or do puzzles?”);
- Carefully considering if some forms ofchallenging behavior can be ignored (e.g., loud voice)—this is not “planned ignoring” for behavior designed to elicit attention but ignoring in the sense of making wise and limited choices about when to pick battles over behavior; and
- Self-monitoring one’s own behaviors and setting behavioral goals accordingly. Some teachers have easily done this by using wrist golf counters to self-record or by moving a plastic chip from one pocket to the next. A strategically posted visual reminder can help teachers remember to make numerous relationship deposits. (p. 3)
There will be times that you should and will need to give feedback to children that is in the form of corrections and reminders. This will not hinder your relationship building. The important take-away is that your positive interactions need to happen in a greater number and frequency. As you learn to do this, you can begin to keep a tally of how many times you remind a child about an unwanted behavior. Then, try to find at least twice the number of positive things to comment on and tally those also (Joseph & Strain, 2010).
When children do not receive positive feedback, they are less likely to enter the positive cycle of motivation and learning. The conclusion here is that when children have positive interactions with teachers and other adults, they have fewer instances of challenging behavior. When children feel safe and understood they can use those positive interactions to help build positive relationships. This will build motivation and stimulate within the brain a cycle of repetition focused on motivation and learning.
10.3 Social and emotional connections to behavior.
As children grow and learn to be in the world, they learn the skills needed to take turns, help their friends, play together, and cooperate with others. Generally, around the same time, children are learning about their own feelings and emotions (Bovey & Strain, 2005).
Children are born with the need and desire to connect with those around them through (social development). When teachers and care providers work to build strong, positive relationships with children from birth through the early years, and value their diverse cultures and languages, children are more likely to feel safe and secure. This, in turn, helps to lay a strong foundation for healthy social and emotional development[/GL].
This process has anaffect on how children experience the world, express themselves, manage their emotions, and establish positive relationships with others (emotional development[/GL]). Emotional awareness is the ability to recognize and identify our own feelings and actions along with the feelings and actions of other people and understand how our own feelings and actions affect ourselves and others (Twombly et.al., 2018).
The following Venn diagram illustrates the independence and overlap of social development and emotional development[/GL]; although they are often referred to as a single developmental domain (Head Start ECLKC, 2021a), it is essential to understand the difference between the two areas:
Here are some examples of social and emotional milestones as they relate to behavior: Please refer to the milestones shared at CDC, UNICEF, March of Dimes, Head Start ECLKC, or other research-based milestone document for more detailed information.
Table 10.1
Milestones
Age |
Examples of social and emotional milestones |
Birth to 2 Months |
May briefly calm himself (may bring hands to mouth and suck on hand). Tries to make eye contact with caregiver. Begins to smile at people. |
6 Months |
Reacts positively to familiar faces and begins to be wary of strangers. Likes to play with others, especially parents and other caregivers. Responds to own name. |
9 Months |
May show early signs of separation anxiety and may cry more often when separated from caregivers and be clingy with familiar adults. May become attached to specific toys or other comfort items. Child understands “no.” Copies sounds and gestures of others. |
12 Months |
May show fear in new situations. Repeats sounds or actions to get attention. May show signs of independence and resist a caregiver’s attempt to help. Begins to follow simple directions. |
18 Months |
May need help coping with temper tantrums. May begin to explore alone but with parent close by. Engages in simple pretend or modeling behavior, such as feeding a doll or talking on the phone. Demonstrates joint attention; for example, the child points to an airplane in the sky and looks at caregiver to make sure the caregiver sees it too. |
2 Years |
Copies others, especially adults and older children. Shows more and more independence and may show defiant behavior. Mainly plays alongside other children (parallel play) but is beginning to include other children in play. Follow simple instructions. |
3 Years |
May start to understand the idea of “mine” and “his” or “hers.” May feel uneasy or anxious with major changes in routine. May begin to learn how to take turns in games and follows directions with 2-3 steps. Names a friend and may show concern for a friend who is sad or upset.
|
4 Years |
Cooperates with other children and may prefer to play with other children than by herself. Often cannot tell what is real and what is make-believe. Enjoys new things and activities.
|
5 Years |
May want to please caregivers and peers. Is aware of gender. May start recognizing what is real and what is make-believe. |
6-7 Years |
Measure his performance against others. Continue to develop her social skills by playing with other children in a variety of situations. Be able to communicate with others without adult help. Start to feel sensitive about how other children feel about him. |
Social development and emotional development[/GL] include development in skills related to social interaction, emotional awareness, and self-regulation. Below are some important reminders as you consider social and emotional development[/GL] for young children.
Social interaction is focused on the relationships we share with others. In our work with young children it is important to remember that this includes the child’s relationships with adults as well as peers. As children develop socially, they learn to take turns, help their friends, play together, share, and cooperate with others.
Emotional awareness includes the ability to recognize and understand our own feelings and emotions. It is important to learn to recognize our own actions and reactions as well as those of other people. Our own feelings and actions can directly affect not only ourselves, but others as well.
Self-regulation is defined as the ability to express thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in socially appropriate ways. Learning to calm down when angry or excited and persisting at difficult tasks are examples of self-regulation.
Children who are socially and emotionally healthy tend to demonstrate, and continue to develop, several important behaviors and skills (Blimes, 2012; McClellan & Katz, 2001). According to these three authors, children:
- Are usually in a positive mood
- Listen and follow directions
- Have close relationships with caregivers and peers
- Recognize, label, and manage their own emotions
- Understand others’ emotions and show empathy
- Express wishes and preferences clearly
- Gain access to ongoing play and group activities
- Ability to play, negotiate, and compromise with others
Social and emotional development are both related to behavior, and include the areas of social interaction, emotional awareness, and self-regulation. Social interaction spotlights the relationships children share with others and includes relationships with adults and other children. As children develop socially, they learn the skills needed to take turns, help their classmates, play together, and cooperate with others.
Remember, social and emotional development[/GL] are both related to behavior, and include the areas of social interaction, emotional awareness, andself-regulation. Social interaction spotlights the relationships children share with others and includes relationships with adults and other children. As children develop socially, they learn the skills needed to take turns, help their classmates, play together, and cooperate with others.
Reflection
- Define social development in your own words.
- Now define emotional development.
- How are they each different, and where do they overlap?
Create this reflection in a Venn Diagram.
10.4 Behavior and Intentional Teaching
With behavior at the core of this chapter, we will use this section to look at teaching social and emotional skills intentionally to support positive behaviors. Remember, we said in the beginning of the chapter that all behavioral intervention is an opportunity to teach. When we teach intentionally, we have a plan and a purpose, and ouroutcome[/GL (result) will be observable. We are approaching this from a teaching perspective (Hoque, 2016), as that matches with our strengths-based focus and moves away from a negative or punishing approach.
Cultural diversity is very evident in the multitude of effective and appropriate ways we as humans care for and guide children. Social settings also require teachers and families to consider how they want to advise their children to act based on their lived experiences and knowledge of what is required to stay safe in specific situations.
Here are some strategies for teaching intentionally and building social and emotional skills in young children (Epstein, 2014; Ho & Funk, 2018):
- Coaching in real time: When we step into the role of coach it is our goal to help children to see what they are doing, to begin to understand how their actions affect others, and how to choose positive alternatives for the unwanted behavior. An example of this strategy can be seen when 2 children are struggling for the same toy in the block area. One child grabs the toy from another, who in turn cries. As teacher/coach, you would get down to the child’s level to be able to engage fully and establish eye contact. The next step is to calmly and warmly say to the children that, “Michael is using the truck now. When you tried to take it away from him, he got upset. What do you think that you might do to make him feel better?” At this point it is appropriate to model saying “I am sorry that Julie took your truck, Michael,” but we don’t force children to say they are sorry. It would also be appropriate to say “Next time if you want to play with the toy Michael is using, you can ask him if he will share.” The teacher’s role is now to observe and provide positive feedback on the interaction and demonstration of the desired behavior.
- Giving effective praise: Meaningful feedback is directly related to the behavior in the moment, and is provided in the form of effective praise. This is a powerful strategy for developing children’s social and emotional development[/GL] (Kostelnik et al., 2015). Effective praise requires teachers to describe specifically what they see—without generalizing, evaluating, or making comparisons. What we want to teach is internal motivation, and not teach the child to always seek validation from others. We can do this by describing what we observe that the child has done:
- You worked really hard on this drawing. I see many different colors!
- I see how you stayed in the lines and colored very carefully!
- You found a great spot for all of the blocks when I asked for you to clean up.
- Wow! You did it! You put all of the pieces in that puzzle.
- Thank you for helping Hannah with her building. You showed her how to be a helpful friend.
- You didn’t give up! You found all of those pieces for the Lego building
- Modeling appropriate behavior: We know from experience that children learn by observing other people. They use this information to get ideas about appropriate/acceptable behavior, and use the ideas to influence their actions. The strategy of modeling, also referred to as demonstrating appropriate behaviors, gives teachers the opportunity to build and scaffold children’s healthy and positive social and emotional skills. Modeling in a classroom can look like this:
- Moving closer to children as needed, to provide a visual cue to the behaviors
- Modeling appropriate caring and respectful behavior with children and colleagues throughout the day
- Using nonverbal gestures and contact (for example nodding, giving a thumbs up, gently touching a shoulder, gently tugging on your own ear, or pointing to your own eye to send messages
- Clearly state expectations for behavior (use walking feet, we use gentle hands, chairs are for sitting, blocks are for building)
- Recognize kind acts of children towards others in the moment
- Offering effective praise for a group effort
- Gently touching a child’s hand to redirect attention and behavior
When children see teachers and other adults model these strategies that are non-threatening and do not invade their space, the child’s response is typically a smile, they in turn use their gentle hands, they say please and thank you, give hugs and high fives, and use appropriate words to label their feelings (Katz & McClellan, 1997) .
As adults, we are not simply role models for the children, but we also use the child’s appropriate behaviors to model social and emotional skills for them. You might choose to use puppets during circle time to demonstrate children’s appropriate behaviors to help them use those skills in a meaningful way. You might also use a strategy called “social stories” to teach important social and emotional skills. Social stories are a tool created to help children learn routines, expectations, and appropriate behaviors, and presented in a story format. These stories help children learn in another way while at the same time reinforcing the behaviors that we as adults want to see (Katz & McClellan, 1997).
The Appreciative I-Message conveys positive feelings of appreciation, gratitude, relief or happiness to others (Adams, 2022). Unlike praise which uses labels and judgments, Appreciative I-Messages focus on the person’s behavior and can include the positive effects on you. A word about You-Messages and praise. People often resent positive You-Messages because they feel they are being judged or talked down to.
Appreciative I-Messages are a way of acknowledging others’ contributions (colleagues, families, and children.)
- “I appreciate that you helped clean up the art area. I felt that you listened and were a great helper”.
- “I got a lot out of the newsletter article you wrote this month. It really made me think.”
- “I was impressed by how brave you were with that spider. Let’s scoop it into a cup together and take it outside.”
It is important that Appreciative I-Messages not be used to manipulate or “shape” behavior. Such ulterior motives invariably come through to the team member and make your sincerity suspect. The Appreciative I-Message should be a “no-strings attached” expression of acceptance and acknowledgement.
10.4.2 Classroom Climate
Behavior can be influenced by the classroom environment, beyond the physical layout of the space. Every classroom environment in every program has a climate. This classroom climate includes all aspects of the physical learning space and is influenced by attitudes, teacher tone, interactions between teacher(s) and students as well as students with each other. Classroom climate is also influenced by moods and messages that are shared openly or implied, as well as intentional or unintentional actions.
The relationships built in positive classroom climates support children to feel safe, supported, and valued. The result of this is that the children will participate more freely in taking risks and engaging in deeper learning opportunities through exploration and experimentation. Behaviors in a positive classroom climate tend to be more positive in nature as well.
You can recognize a positive classroom because you will see responsive teachers who manage behavior and attention challenges as well as the social and emotional needs of individual children (Riley et al., 2007).
You can build a positive classroom climate by practicing some of the strategies shared below (Katz & McClellan, 1997).
- Use behavior-approving language in the form of verbal comments or facial expression
- “I see you are doing a great job sitting on your mat!” Or “Nice work concentrating on your counting”
- Smiling, nodding, or giving a thumbs-up
- Give specific praise (“Seth, you are really keeping your hands to yourself during circle time. Way to go!”)
- Maintain a positive attitude with the children and with colleagues
- Maintain a positive and pleasant tone and affect (what others see and hear from you)
- Provide frequent opportunities to develop self-regulation skills.
- Model making appropriate choices
- Reinforce children’s appropriate choice-making
- Guide children in developing strategies for themselves
A negative classroom climate has the opposite effect, in that it may feel hostile, uncomfortable, and stressful. The classroom may appear chaotic and out of control. In addition to being an environment that insufficiently supports active learning, a negative classroom climate can also influence unwanted behaviors. In a negative classroom climate, you may also see open examples of inequality, inequitable access to learning opportunities or materials, and obvious stereotypes and biases.
As you work to eliminate a negative classroom environment, it is important to do the following (IRIS Center, n.d.):
- Eliminate damaging forms of behavior management (sarcasm, shaming, threats)
- Eliminate or strictly limit behavior disapproving language
- Using a child’s name multiple times, such as in “Use walking feet, Johnny!” or “That was not a good choice, Sam.’
- Using facial expressions such as grimacing, frowning, gesturing, or shaking your head side-to-side.
When children have opportunities to learn in positive classroom climates, with more positive peer interactions, teachers who express a more positive emotional tone, and teachers who positively reinforce behavior, they demonstrate significantly greater social competence and fewer unwanted behaviors(Katz & McClellan, 1997).
Reflection
List 5 phrases you can use to positively reinforce behavior
10.5 Teaching and Supporting Social Behaviors
Children are born wanting social interaction. They watch how family and others connect with them. They watch and listen closely to facial expressions and tone of voice. Through these interactions and observations babies develop the foundation for appropriate behavior based on what they see (Committee on the Science of Children et al., 2015).
Social rules help to guide us in our interactions with others. Many children have a hard time recognizing these rules. It takes time and practice to learn.
Thomas McIntyre (2006) wrote these suggestions in his “Teaching Social Skills to Kids Who Don’t Yet Have Them” article:
- Teach “belly breathing” as a calming technique. Take a deep breath in and count slowly blowing air out. The first photo in this chapter shows a child blowing bubbles, a strategy that is also highly effective here, as a child must take a deep breath to blow bubbles. You might also use the strategy of “smell the flower and blow out the candle” for a visual image and use a silk flower and unlit birthday candle for props.
- Include a calm corner (not the book area/library) in your classroom. Include soft toys, pillows and emotion posters and materials.
- Teach social skills (making friends and getting along with others) and incorporate social stories regularly in your ongoing curriculum. Social stories help teach children routines, expectations, and behavioral standards in an alternative way. Search online for “social stories” for more information.
- Teach children how to identify their emotions and label feelings with them. Use photos and prompts and keep materials about emotions available in the classroom.
- Ensure you integrate plenty of movement activities throughout the day.
- Include many opportunities for sensory play, including sand and water.
- Model the social behaviors you want to see from the children.
10.6 The Relationship Between Trauma and Behavior
Many of our children have experienced trauma, and we may or may not be aware. For them, keeping themselves safe becomes the primary motivator of behavior. Children may appear manipulative or controlling when they may be attempting to just keep themselves safe. Safety is the most important goal of a child experiencing trauma (National Child Traumatic Stress Network, n.d.).
Like the tree and root system we learned earlier in this chapter, we only see the small portion above the surface. Look below the surface of the behavior, and you will see the feelings and emotions driving the behavior. The unwanted or “misbehavior” we experience is often a child’s attempt to solve another problem of which we are unaware.
Even minor stressors can act as triggers that fill children with emotion and can result in misbehavior. When teachers and caregivers do not understand why a child is acting out, they are more likely to focus on “managing” the behavior rather than meeting the child’s needs. This is not an effective response to misbehavior, and may actually lead to the child being more unpredictable or even explosive, making the process of calming down even more difficult.
According to the Mayo Clinic, Stress is an automatic physical, mental and emotional response to challenging events. It’s a normal part of everyone’s life, including the lives of children (LaCore, 2022). To understand unwanted or “misbehavior,” it is important to understand the body’s stress response. Children who have experienced repeated trauma often have overactive alarms. They are powerfully attentive to danger and may label non-threatening things as dangerous. False alarms can happen when children hear, see, smell, or feel something that reminds them of frightening things from the past. These reminders are called triggers.
Some common triggers of unwanted behavior include (Kahn, 2023):
- Changes in the schedule, routine or environment that are unexpected
- The sense a child feels of helplessness or fear
- Experiencing a situation that causes a child to feel threatened or attacked
- Overstimulation from the environment (can be many things including too many children/people in the room, noise, light, or activity).
10.6.1 What Does a Triggered Child Look Like?
It is important to note that stress from trauma can show up in our children in their health (physiologically), through their emotions (emotionally), through their thinking and processing of information (cognitively), or behaviorally. In Chapter 10 we’re focusing on the behavioral aspect.
The National Institutes of Health (Chu et al., 2022) shares that behaviors resulting from a stress response typically fall into one of three categories: flight, fight, or freeze. Let’s take a look at what you might see in a classroom with these three categories:
Flight: Children who experience a flight response want to get away, to “flee” the situation or threat. Their body is telling them to run. The goal is to avoid danger.
Shae, age 4, has experienced trauma in an environment of ongoing domestic violence. When Shae hears raised voices (even in play) he tries to elope, or run from the classroom, or at the very least, leave the area and hide in a perceived “safe” place.
Fight: Children who react to trauma in this way will tend to face the threat head-on. There may be no hesitation, and this reaction may seem instantaneous, but the child is simply in a mindset of defense. As teachers, we may see and label this as aggression. From the child’s view, it is defense.
Aloria is 6. She lives in a neighborhood surrounded by violence. She often hears gunshots and sirens throughout the day and night. In the classroom, Susie grabbed a marker from Aloria that she was using for her drawing. Immediately, Aloria responded with fists up and ready to take Susie on.
Freeze: This final category of “freeze” is just how it sounds. Children experiencing a freeze response are stuck in place, frozen in the moment. This child is unable to physically move or react to the threat (real or perceived.)
Chris was visiting extended family when a tornado alert appeared on the tv screen. Everyone in the home proceeded to the home’s basement for safety, as the storm neared and strengthened. When they emerged from the basement after the storm, the roof and many walls of the home had vanished. Chris’s response now in the classroom is to freeze when loud noises are present.
An important takeaway from this information about trauma is that there is not one single way that a child will react or behave. We cannot assume anything about a child’s behavior without considering trauma—significant traumatic events, or an accumulation of smaller traumatic experiences.
Watch for these types of behaviors (Spokane Regional Health District, n.d.), and ask yourself “What is the child communicating?”
- Being nervous or jumpy
- Being confused about what is dangerous or who to go to for safety
- Having broad mood swings between quiet or withdrawn and aggressive
- High need for attention, or trouble paying attention
- Loss of appetite
- Reverting to earlier (younger) behaviors such as bedwetting, wanting to be fed
- Re-enacting experiences in play
- Avoid friends or activities previously enjoyed
- Getting involved in fights, or provoking fights
10.6.2 What Can You Do?
The Pyramid Equity Project shares some insight on the most effective strategies for addressing challenging behavior. Focused on prevention of challenging and unwanted behavior and promotion of appropriate social behaviors, these strategies include environmental changes, providing positive attention and feedback to children, and a focus on teaching social skills and emotional competencies. It is important to remember that even when intervention and teaching practices are in place, some young children may still engage in challenging or unwanted behavior. When responding to these behaviors, always combine intentional teaching and prevention practices with the strategies for specific behaviors. The use of these response strategies is intended to reduce the likelihood of challenging behavior, but will not be effective without careful and intentional attention to teaching social skills and emotional competencies (Strain et al., 2017).
- You, the adult, must stay calm, regardless of the behaviors demonstrated. An upset adult interacting with a triggered child can worsen the behavior.
- Remember the tree and root system…try to identify the need below the surface that is influencing the child’s behavior. Shift your focus on meeting the child’s needs rather than on correcting the behavior.
- You might try the strategy of “belly breathing” or blowing bubbles to help the child breathe and calm.
- Wait until the child is no longer triggered to talk about what happened. While triggered, a child is not able to use the rational part of the brain, making reasoning ineffective.
- When the child is calm, talk about how to recognize triggers and what can be done to increase awareness of emotions to prevent being triggered, or what can be done to calm down and manage (or regulate) emotions.
- As difficult as it can be, try to remember that these behaviors are not a personal attack, and likely have little to do with you.
Trauma, as it is fully defined and as it applies to behavior, has historically been absent from teacher training curricula. This left a gap in understanding possible root causes and motivation for behavior, and for teachers to rely on less effective means of teaching behavioral expectations and coaching children towards wanted behaviors. It also left teachers less than fully prepared to plan strengths-based, positive strategies and interventions that would support children to learn desired behaviors.
We tend to think of trauma as the result of a frightening and upsetting event. But many children experience trauma through ongoing exposure, throughout their early development, to abuse, neglect, homelessness, domestic violence, or violence in their communities. And it’s clear that chronic trauma can cause serious problems with learning and behavior. Trauma is particularly challenging for educators to address because kids often don’t express the distress they’re feeling in a way that’s easily recognizable — and they may mask their pain with behavior that’s aggressive or off-putting. (Miller, 2024, paras. 1-2)
Going forward, the challenge to you is to always think about effective practices, where the bigger picture includes information on trauma-informed care. As early childhood educators we need to learn the signs and symptoms of trauma in children to understand these confusing behaviors. Identification of symptoms of trauma can also help avoid misdiagnosis, as these symptoms can mimic other learning challenges, including ADHD and other behavior disorders (Minahan & Rappaport, 2012).
Some of the barriers to learning that are experienced by children impacted by trauma include trouble forming relationships with teachers and other adults, poor self-regulation skills, negative thinking, hypervigilance, and challenges with executive function (Center on the Developing Child. n.d.).
Children who have been neglected or abused often have many challenges in forming relationships. This can also impact relationships with teachers (Miller, 2024), which in turn poses a barrier in the first step to a successful classroom experience. Children who live with trauma may also have learned to be wary of adults, since their experience includes having been ignored or betrayed by those they have depended on. Often, children in trauma do not have the skills or the experience that would support them to ask for help. Many have had little or no adult modeling for identifying and meeting their needs.
Many children who have experienced trauma have not been able to develop secure attachments to the adults in their lives. Children who have never developed that early attachment for trust and who have not learned that they are lovable, and that people will take care of them, need extra support to build those special relationships with their teachers and other staff (Sheldon-Dean, 2024).
One of the biggest challenges in the area of behavior and guidance that we see in classrooms and programs is that when kids act out, the response is built on disciplinary systems that involve withdrawing attention and support, rather than addressing their needs and challenges. Guidance is teaching! We need to do the opposite and show extra patience for kids who provoke and push away adults who try to help them. Instead of punishing, this is our opportunity to teach a child what to do! We need to work with them on changing their behavior. When a child is acting up in class, we as teachers need to recognize the powerful feelings they are expressing, even though they are expressed inappropriately.
Here is an opportunity to be strengths-based in your approach. Begin by acknowledging the child’s emotion and try to identify it. This is also where modeling plays a big role. By saying “I can see that you are really angry that Anja took the marker you wanted!” If that statement is not correctly connected to the feelings the child is experiencing, that child is highly likely to correct you. This will provide a positive pathway to teaching desired behavior, rather than jumping to reprimands, a behavior plan, deducting points or withdrawing privileges or suspending the child (Miller, 2024).
10.6.4 Materials and Classroom Strategies
Visuals and other materials can be used to teach children to label feelings and emotions should be an ongoing part of the curriculum (Head Start ECLKC, 2021b) and be present in a “quiet corner” and in accessible parts of the classroom environment. Acknowledging and naming an emotion helps children be more able to express themselves in a more appropriate way. Think about creating a chart using photos of the children in your classroom to depict common feelings, or use the link in the additional websites to explore at the end of this chapter. Think about feelings such as:
- Bored
- Cheerful
- Curious
- Disappointed
- Excited
- Embarrassed
- Fearful
- Frustrated
- Happy
- Jealous
- Lonely
- Mad
- Nervous
- Sad
- Scared
- Overwhelmed
Effective communication is the cornerstone of a child’s ability to express themselves in a way that doesn’t push others away. The first step towards achieving this is to show that you understand them. What better way to do that than by using pictures to help them identify and describe different emotions? You can also use these pictures to check in with the child throughout the day and encourage them to use feeling faces to communicate their emotions. By gradually introducing new feeling vocabulary words, starting with a few basic emotions and then moving onto more complex ones, you can help them develop a deeper understanding of their feelings. Remember to teach a balance of both positive and negative emotions. By doing so, you can help the child achieve emotional maturity and better communicate their needs.
It is critical that we remember and respect that children who have experienced trauma (or are experiencing ongoing trauma) often have a difficult time managing their strong emotions. Typically, as very young children, we learn to calm and soothe ourselves by being calmed and soothed by the adults in their lives. If a child has not had the opportunity to learn to self soothe because of neglect, the lack of a secure attachment system contributes to persistent dysregulation. Emotional dysregulation happens when a child is not able to control or regulate their emotional responses to challenging input (Rouse, 2024). Dysregulation then impacts a child’s ability to learn, to engage with others appropriately, and to be successful in the classroom
In the classroom, teachers need to engage in strategies to support and coach children in ways to calm themselves and manage their emotions. This allows the adults to act as models and to be partners in helping children to learn skills for managing their behavior. Remember that co-regulation (warm and responsive interactions that a child needs to understand, express, and modulate their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors) comes before self-regulation. We need to help them learn how to get the control they need to change the output when they are upset. This also includes providing coaching and practice at de-escalating when they feel overwhelmed (Strickland-Cohen et al., 2022).
Another challenge for children living with trauma is the belief that they develop that they are “bad,” and that they are at fault for the trauma that has occurred. This can lead to a pattern of self-doubt and dis-trust of others.
Children with trauma may also tend to develop the idea that everyone is out to get them. They might hear directions and requests as exaggerated and angry and unfair. This leads the child to act out with quick response quickly and in an irritable manner. A mistake that might seem trivial to us becomes exaggerated if their experience has been that minor mistakes result in adult anger or punishment. For these children, it is important to build on small steps towards success in the classroom, and to help them see that in the classroom making a mistake is a necessary part of learning.
As teachers, or ECE professionals in any role responding to behavior, we must be cautious and always base our observations on facts. It is important to look at the big picture of the situation, and not to jump to conclusions (Miller, 2024). As we’ve seen in this chapter, trauma symptoms comprise a list of possibilities, and can vary between children. If we make assumptions, and stray from fact, unintended consequences may occur, as would be a possibility of missing a connection between trauma and hyperactivity which could lead to a possible misdiagnosis of ADHD.
One consideration that we cannot skip is the need for the adult (teacher, director, assistant, etc.) to calm themselves first, and then engage in strategies to support children to calm themselves. We cannot be effective if we are not calm and thinking clearly. This is when we model the behavior we want to see in the child and connect to their big feelings. Your strategy of belly breathing is one way to begin. As child psychiatrist Dr. Rappaport states, “If you can connect with what they’re trying to tell you, they may settle. It can work even if you just make a guess — you don’t have to be right, they can correct you” (as cited in Miller, 2024, para. 23).
Do you believe that rewards are an effective way to motivate people? While tangible rewards and points-based systems may seem like a good idea, they can have several drawbacks that are often overlooked (Horner & Goodman, 2009). It is important here to take a moment and think more deeply about this strategy of tangible rewards. Tangible rewards are stars, stickers, treats, charts, etc. used to track behavior. This system may be used with some specific children, and even included on an IEP (Individualized Education Plan, for children in Special Education ages 3-21 years) or IFSP (Individualized Family Services Plan for Early Intervention, birth-3 years). However, it is important to think about this type of technique, and ask yourself “what is the child learning by doing this?”
In a New York Times article in 1993, Alfie Kohn shared some thoughts in an article titled “For Best Results, Forget the Bonus”. Those suggestions and thoughts are summarized here:
First, rewards can be seen as a form of punishment. Rather than promoting a genuine interest in a task, rewards can be perceived as manipulative and may not inspire individuals to do their best work (Kohn, 1993).
Second, rewards can damage teamwork and cooperation. To achieve excellence, people need to work together, and rewards can create a competitive environment that can undermine cooperation.
Third, rewards can discourage risk-taking and exploration. When people are focused on achieving a reward, they may be less likely to take risks or try new things, which can stifle creativity and innovation.
Fourth, rewards can undermine interest and intrinsic motivation. When people are focused on achieving a reward, they may feel that their work is not freely chosen or directed by them. This can reduce their enjoyment of the task and their desire to pursue it further.
Finally, it is important to encourage children to find intrinsic motivation and rewards in their work, rather than relying on external rewards. By doing so, they will be more likely to develop a genuine interest in learning and will be more likely motivated by their goals and interests, instead of for a reward.
“Do rewards motivate people? Absolutely. They motivate people to get rewards.” ~Alfie Kohn (1993, p. 11)
Reflection
Highlight the topics presented in this chapter where information overlapped.
List strategies that you will implement in your curriculum to support positive behavior, social and emotional skills growth.
Record the changes you can make to your environment to support social and emotional skill development related to behavior.
10.7 Communication with Families: What, when and how to communicate with families about behavior
At this point in the chapter, we have built a shared definition of behavior, taken a deeper look at behavior and motivation, and established an understanding that all behavior is a form of communication. We have also reviewed how relationships (especially positive relationships) relate to behavior and are needed to support positively guiding the behavior of children. This foundation was built to support a mutual understanding of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and trauma (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2021). This critical piece of information is necessary to understand the whole child and not simply react to the behavior(s) that are seen. We are closing Chapter 10 with information about how to have conversations with families about behaviors (challenging and/or unwanted). This communication requires an ability for you to be objective, positive, and culturally aware in the information you share and the method by which you communicate.
Successful work in the field of Early Learning depends on your ability to build positive, trusting, and respectful relationships with families. No child comes to us alone or isolated, they come to us within the context of a family. When we build and maintain trusting relationships with those families, we will be able to engage in more opportunities for open communication and dialogue about children.
We know from experience that having a conversation about a child’s challenging behavior can be stressful for them and for ourselves. Did you know that you can reduce your stress and gain more positive results when you “invest” in relationships with families? You will need to be objective and stick to facts, while at the same time maintain a focus on solutions. It is important that we understand that in child development, there are cultural differences relating to beliefs about developmental milestones (Maryville University, 2021). When communicating with families it is important to be conscious of your own beliefs related to culture and your personal biases as you make choices about what and how to communicate with families.
You might even feel intimidated in having conversations with families about a child’s behavior (Griffin, n.d.). A key strategy in having difficult conversations is to begin with the positive. We start with strengths, including describing what the child can do, and what he/she does well. Include positives about behavior and times when you have noticed positive behaviors or interactions. We must always avoid the impulse to blame the family for the child’s challenging behavior. This is an important interaction to have with the family and cannot be avoided out of our fear of potential (real or imagined) conflict. When we look at these extremes of blame and avoidance, we should realize that neither approach is helpful for the child, and both only add to your own stress. This added stress could even possibly increase the intensity of the behavioral situation of concern.
Did you know that our biases can significantly impact how we respond to children’s behavior in the classroom (Derman-Sparks & Edwards, 2019)? It’s crucial to understand that what we expect from children’s behavior in their early education may differ from what they learn at home. However, how we react to their behavior is what counts. To eliminate these biases and guide children’s behavior effectively, we must communicate our expectations clearly and consistently within the classroom. It is essential to make a conscious effort to recognize and overcome our biases to create a positive and nurturing learning environment for all children.
When the time comes to talk with a child’s family about challenging behavior, Webster-Stratton (2012) shares some strategies to help create a productive interaction. Remember above where “invest” in relationships was mentioned? Webster-Stratton talks about this process of relationship building as a metaphor for a “piggy bank.” Webster-Stratton believes that we need to make deposits regularly to this piggy bank, to have the ability to make withdrawals that support our difficult conversations.
Try these three things in your relationship work with families:
- Make sure you have plenty of investments in the “relationship bank” with the family,
- Stick to data from your observations
- Offer possible solutions and support.
Stratton (2012) also discusses how to fill your relationship bank. Each of us (both children and adults) has an emotional “piggy bank.” It is built with positive relationships. Just like your real-life piggy bank, you must have money in the bank to successfully make withdrawals without a negative outcome[/GL. Also take a moment to go back and review the other suggestions for positive reinforcement offered in this chapter.
We know from research (Webster-Stratton, 2012) that children need 5 positives such as:
- Great walking feet!
- High-5!
- You are working SO hard!
- You did it!
- I see that you know how to put that puzzle together!
Those 5 positives are needed for “balance” and to move forward in your positive relationship, for every negative such as:
- No!
- Stop!
- Please do not do that!
- Add your own to this list
Reflection
Take a break and think about that for a minute to let this ratio sink in; you need to say to a child 5 positives for every negative:
- Five (5) positives
- Provide balance for 1 negative
- Resulting in a more positive relationship and allowing the child opportunities for success.
Stop and practice this “formula” related to a specific behavior you have observed or can imagine. Write your thoughts in the table below. Duplicate the table for more practice.
Table 10.2
Five Positives One Negative
5 Positives |
Balance 1 negative |
1. |
|
2. |
|
3. |
|
4. |
|
5. |
Let’s do some math! Think about that child whose name you say 350 times a day (Danny, stop! Danny, don’t do that! Danny, keep your hands to yourself! Danny, Mae is using that now. Danny! Quiet, Danny! Time to wash, Danny. Clean up, Danny…) Imagine that child’s name and multiply that 350 x 5. Did you calculate that answer to be 1750 positives? The child will need over 1700 positive comments just to break even emotionally! This deposit strategy is not only for the child, but also the same for families. That very first time you approach a family to discuss a child’s challenging or “unwanted” behavior you are withdrawing a significant amount from the emotional piggy bank. Do you have “enough” positive interactions and a strong relationship already in place to avoid a negative balance? With sufficient balance in the piggy bank, you are ready to have challenging conversations and, as Webster-Stratton (2012) found, families will still have emotional “money-in-the-bank” to work with you on developing possible solutions.
The next point bulleted above was to stick to the facts. This is called being objective. We need to put aside the emotional aspect of challenging behavior when you are communicating with the family. Taking this emotion-free, positive approach you could share with a family, “Today Michael had a very difficult time with sharing.” This is a much more useful statement that opens the possibility for a conversation about problem-solving. The opposite can be said for using statements such as “Michael was hitting ALL day.” This statement is not helpful and is definitely not helpful (it is also most likely not accurate). The positive approach will lead to the strategy to support Brandon learning a new skill, which he is. This also provides scaffolding to ask about behavior in the home, “Tell me about how Michael shares at home with his siblings. What methods have you tried that I might try here at school?” Remember that emotional piggy bank that was shared earlier? Our goal here is to build a positive relationship and partnership with the family. We want to work together to make positive connections between home-school. When we approach challenging behavior in a fact-based manner, it will help to remove emotion and blame from the conversation and will be much more likely to help open doors rather than create walls (Webster-Stratton, 2012).
The last bullet shared by Webster-Stratton (2012) is about problem solving. For every conversation, we as the ECE professionals need to be ready to share some solutions. At the same time, it is of benefit to the partnership to engage in give and take by asking for and offering ongoing partnership with the family. Always get ideas and input from the family. You will have an opportunity to share other strategies with the family after they communicate what they are currently doing at home to support their child. This partner-based communication will work to build a bridge between home and school that will support the child’s learning. You will also need to talk about going forward, and how you will continue to communicate about the child’s skill building. This should include any information you will be collecting from your ongoing classroom observations. Remember the importance of sharing successes in all written and verbal conversations with the family to keep adding to the family’s and child’s emotional piggy bank.
Here are some guiding thoughts for your conversation with the family:
- Begin with strengths: “let’s talk about what Sarah is doing really well!” This will begin your conversation with the positive and will focus on what the child can do so that you can build (scaffold) from there.
- Share your concern using facts: “I am concerned about Sarah and how she’s doing with her frustration. Are you seeing similar challenges at home?” Remember that you are working to build that positive relationship with the family, and you should always bring up concerns with collaboration in your mind.
- Together, define a clear and measurable goal. “I really want to work with you to help Sarah develop her social skills to support positive behavior.”
- Create a plan together. “What do you think we should include in the plan for Sarah, so that each of us has strategies to follow that develop new skills for success.” Always focus on skill development, not on behavior.
- Finally, discuss next steps for moving forward. “The more we all work together, the more successful Sarah will be.” Remember that consistency between home and school will support the child to be more successful, and faster.
Summary
Chapter 10 focused on child behavior. The information was shared with the intent of building the foundation for positive and intentional guidance within a developmentally appropriate framework. The information was presented in a strengths-based approach, to support your work to build on what a child knows and can do to build skills.
In defining behavior, we looked from two different perspectives: behavior that is seen and observed, and behavior that is “below the surface” and unseen. It is important to know every child with whom you work to be able to discover the “below the surface” experiences, skills and motivations that influence behavior. Along with the development and teaching of social and emotional skills, we must remember that all behavior is communication. Stop and ask yourself what a child is telling you through behavior next time you are challenged. The other question we must ask is about the well-being of the whole child and the possible presence of trauma in their life.
At the core of our work around behavior needs to be relationship building with the child’s family. Strong, respectful relationships that are founded in partnership will support your work with the children and model social skills for life.
As young children develop socially and emotionally, they learn self-control. At this time challenging behavior is common and can be expected. It is important to identify the meaning behind challenging behavior and work together with families to set age-appropriate expectations for the child.
Take a moment to reflect on these brief scenarios: As parents and teachers, we all want to help our children develop socially and emotionally. There are many different ways to do this, and we have a range of techniques and strategies at our disposal. What’s more, we all come from diverse cultural backgrounds and have unique parenting styles, which means there is no one-size-fits-all approach to effective child guidance. By drawing on our experiences and knowledge, we can help our children navigate different social situations in a way that is safe and appropriate. Let’s work together to promote positive social-emotional development in our children! The following scenarios come from the Virtual Lab School (n.d.):
- Two girls are fighting over a piece of purple construction paper in the art area. They begin to yell and rip the paper from one another’s hands.
- When facing a situation where two children are in a disagreement, it’s important to take a moment to assess the root of the issue. In this case, two young girls are fighting over a piece of purple construction paper in the art area. To find a resolution, it’s crucial to ask yourself some questions:
- What steps can be taken to resolve the issue?
- Are there any relevant details about these children and their developmental needs that should be taken into consideration?
- Seeking assistance from a colleague or supervisor can be helpful in finding a peaceful and fair resolution.
- Remember, as a responsible adult, it’s your duty to ensure the safety and well-being of the children in your care.
- When facing a situation where two children are in a disagreement, it’s important to take a moment to assess the root of the issue. In this case, two young girls are fighting over a piece of purple construction paper in the art area. To find a resolution, it’s crucial to ask yourself some questions:
- A child is crying and following the teacher around the room.
- What might the behavior be communicating?
- He wants or needs the adult’s attention.
- He has an injury to his tear duct.
- He doesn’t like attending the program.
- He is socially immature.
- What should the teacher’s response be, according to what you have learned in Chapter 10?
- What might the behavior be communicating?
- Two boys are pretending to fight and rough house on the carpet.
- List 3 different activities to the children to redirect the behavior
- Recently, a young child approached me with a tearful expression, repeating a message over and over again. Sadly, I couldn’t understand the child’s language, which made me feel frustrated. Later on, I saw the same child kicking over constructions made by other children in the block area.
- How can the teacher support this child?
- Provide visual support (picture schedules, social stories, etc.) or simple sign language/gestures, giving the child a system for communication.
- Put the child in time out for whining and destroying the structures
- Ignore the child and move on to the other children
- Assume the child cannot hear and refer for testing
- How can the teacher support this child?
“Every child deserves a champion- an adult who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection, and insists that they become the best that they can possibly be.” ~ Rita Pierson (2013, 6:52)
Review Questions
- What is behavior?
- Why are professional relationships important in our work in ECE?
- How are relationships and behavior(s) connected?
- How will you communicate with families in a way that shares and supports mutual perspectives?
- What, when, and how will you communicate to families about challenging or unwanted behavior?
- Define social development.
- Define emotional development.
- Why is it important to distinguish the difference between social development and emotional development?
- Explain why we need to understand childhood trauma and the connections to a child’s behavior(s).
- Describe the social and emotional connections to behavior, including:
- Social Emotional foundations of Early learning
- Classroom Climate
- Guiding Social Behaviors
- Trauma, and behavior: the role of neurodiversity in behavior and the relationship between trauma and behavior.
- What are the 5 steps to consider when having a conversation with a family?
References
Adams, M. (2022, April 18). How do these I-messages help relationships? Gordon Training International. https://www.gordontraining.com/leadership/how-do-these-i-messages-help-relationships/
ADL Education. (2022, June 29). When it comes to bias, we must prioritize impact over intent. Anti-Defamation League. https://www.adl.org/resources/tools-and-strategies/when-it-comes-bias-we-must-prioritize-impact-over-intent
Bandura, A. (1977). Social learning theory. Prentice-Hall.
Bilmes, J. (2012). Beyond behavior management: The six life skills children need (2nd ed.). Redleaf Press.
Bovey, T., & Strain, P. (2005, March). Strategies for increasing peer social interactions: Prompting and acknowledgment (What Works Briefs, No. 17). Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning. http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/briefs/wwb17.pdf
Center on the Developing Child. (n.d.). Executive function & self-regulation. Harvard University. Retrieved May 15, 2024, rom https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/executive-function/
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Rouse, M. R. (2024, April 2). How can we help kids with self-regulation? Child Mind Institute. Retrieved May 15, 2024, from https://childmind.org/article/can-help-kids-self-regulation/
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Webster-Stratton, C. (2012). Incredible teachers: Nurturing children’s social, emotional, and academic competence. Incredible Years.
Websites to explore for more information
CDC’s Developmental Milestones Tool, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning, Vanderbilt University
Classroom Implementation: Practical Strategies (Example of feelings visual aids), National Center for Pyramid Model Innovations (NCPMI)
Considerations for Trauma-Informed Child Care and Early Education Systems, Administration for Children & Families
Creating Trauma-Sensitive Classrooms, National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC)
Developmental Milestone Expectations in Early Head Start, Head Start Early Childhood Learning and Knowledge Center
Family Engagement, NCPMI
Fostering Healthy Social and Emotional Development in Young Children: Tips for Early Childhood Teachers and Providers, U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD)
Interactive Head Start Early Learning Outcomes Framework: Ages Birth to Five, Head Start Early Childhood Learning and Knowledge Center
Message in a Backpack, NAEYC
National Scientific Council on the Developing Child, Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University
Promoting Young Children’s Social and Emotional Health, NAEYC
Strategies for De-escalating Student Behavior in the Classroom, Center on Positive Behavior Intervention & Supports (PBIS)
Supporting Child and Student Social, Emotional, and Behavioral Mental Health Needs, U.S. Department of Education
Trauma-Informed Supports for Early Childhood Professionals, Washington State Department of Children, Youth & Families (DCYF)