Sample Reading:

       “Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a great ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair.
I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy – ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness–that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what – at last – I have found.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men. I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds sway above the flux. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved.
Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate this evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer.
This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me.

       – Bertrand Russell, “What I Have Lived For”

Breaking Free of Codependency

       Do you ever find yourself running in circles in a toxic relationship? How about performing the same obsessive actions but expecting a different result? We are all guilty of it, but it can become maladaptive and compulsive for some. Welcome to the world of codependency! In this realm of being, we use unhealthy coping behaviors to control, manipulate, and caretake others. Behaviorally, codependency is a lot like narcissism. Codependents tend to love to a fault and love people who are abusive, broken, or unavailable. This paragraphs that follow are a condensed narrative of how to work through codependency using the “12 Steps of Codependence Anonymous (CODA).”
J. K. Rowling once wrote that “rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.” Admit it, we all have compulsive behaviors, but when a compulsive behavior becomes uncontrollable and interrupts our everyday life, we hit “rock bottom.” We work through this by admitting we are powerless over others and that our lives have become unmanageable. Once we open our eyes to this reality, we can finally breathe and let go of illusions. This gives us room to admit that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity. Having a higher power gives one room to relax. Now that you have let go of control, you can learn to trust that higher power. This will allow you to turn your will and life to God’s care in whatever way you understand God. Doing so will allow you to examine your life and experiences more objectively.
In our codependency, we are on a roller coaster doing and saying things we never thought we would; because of this, we must make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.  Stephen R. Covey has explained that “you can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.”  Breaking out of denial requires admitting the exact nature of our wrongs to God, to ourselves, and to someone we trust. Once we process our past and trauma, we will be ready to humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings.
Working this program Is like tilling the hard ground; you must prep the ground to allow growth. In that prep, you will list the people you have harmed and be willing to make amends to them all. Logically making amends would follow, but if making amends would do harm to them or others, do not do it in person. There are other ways to make amends that can be beneficial for everyone. Remember, in this process, recovery is not a race; there is no finish line.
Remember that we must continue to do a personal inventory, and when we are wrong we must promptly admit it. We seek only God’s will for our lives and, through prayer, ask for the strength to carry that out. Once you have completed these steps, you come full circle with a spiritual awakening and carry this message to other codependents, practicing the principles we have learned in all our affairs. And remember, recovery in anything takes work and can, at times, be discouraging—because there is no finish line. Just show up, and you will reap the rewards. As they say in CODA, “Keep coming back; it works if you work it, so work it cause your worth it!”

Reflection Questions

How confident are you that, if given this activity as an assignment,  you would be able to write an essay of your own, about this size, that explains a process for others to understand and follow?

1. 1. I would be very confident in completing this writing assignment with little or no help
   2. I would be somewhat confident in completing this writing assignment but may need some help.
   3. I would be less confident in completing this writing assignment and would ask for some additional help with parts of this activity.
   4. It would be very difficult for me to complete this this writing assignment. I would definitely require some extra help with this activity.