1 The Place Where I Am

Having your life completely figured at a specific age is what most people think when they are young, without knowing that sometimes life could go on a different direction than the one we always thought it will go. One day you idealize yourself finishing high school, going straight to the university, then finding a good job that can let you buy a nice house to live with your partner, kids and pets; but the reality of most people is that at some point in life, something life-changing happens, that could potentially delay any personal plans you have, or simply change it based on new priorities.  My whole life was planned based on the way I grew up, the things I did that I liked so much to do, and how I always thought that I could do anything I proposed to myself, but by the pass of the time I encountered myself taking those decisions that made who I am right now.

Ever since I was a child, I always knew that my future is outside of my country of birth, not because I did not like this place, but I always look for greater opportunities wherever they are. I was born in Panama City, capital of my beautiful Panama, where you can find paradise places in the nature, gorgeous beaches, wonderful mountains, amazing rivers and one of the places with the most biodiversity in the whole planet. In my entire time, living there, I enjoyed every single place I was able to discover, and many more that I still must see. One of the things I miss the most from Panama is, of course, my family. Having to live by myself in a whole different country and watching them through a phone how they live their lives, and not being part of some moments, is my greatest challenge to face as they all are my inspiration to grow as a person, reach my goals and be that successful person they all know I will be. Hoping not to be alone for too long, I have encouraged my little brother and older sister to come join me in this incredible adventure of self-discovery in a different country, for them to get better opportunities than those that they could get in our home. Having them by my side at some point will let me show them that there is a bigger world than they think. As (Faizah, n.d.) wrote that “Brothers have a role in building relationships between brothers. They can become each other’s friends, companions, and supports. This role involves sharing, mutual respect, and helping each other grow and develop.” (p. 8). I can relate to this every time something happens to us, or we are about to take a big decision, we are always there to provide that comfort and point of view on how to oversee any difficult situation in our lives. Ever since I travel the first time at the age of 15 years old, I discovered that there is so much to see, many people to meet and a lot of things to experience. This trip to Japan, was a life-changing opportunity I had, which I am greatly thankful for my mother as she made that great effort to get the money, for me to enjoy those 3 weeks in the outside world, being part of the World Scout Jamboree and represent my country in front of thousands of people, learning and sharing culture, traditions, language and expressions. By my return, I was someone with a different mentality, ready to make the changes to be who I am and do the things I want to do through my following teenager years and future adult life.

As well as I changed mentally, my identity had some very interesting ways to be evolving through time. When I started liking a one of my classmates and best friend, I ended up discovering that I am gay; when I was just a Panamanian citizen, I suddenly became an American citizen too thanks to my father; and by closing my eyes and opening again, I became a citizen living the life of an immigrant when I moved to the United States. Changing from my mother’s house, to start renting; from being middle class to barely surviving in a new city, trying to find a job with only a high school diploma, some college knowledge and just a few job experiences. However, all these changes feel great for me, not for the rest of the people. “The parts of our identity that do capture our attention are those that other people notice, and that reflect back to us.” (Tatum, 2000, para. 8). And sometimes people forget that those little things that for some reason they focus on, are merely just part of us. It is not on them to change us, but only if we want to. I did not come to a different country to be stuck in a bad place, I came to do better, to be successful. I got my job, and little by little I changed to improve my whole life, by getting a nice place to live and a car to help me travel around places. Even though, I know about those parts of my identity that can be a surprise for people, they do not define my future and the place I want to be in the society, more than my own will and reasons to be better. Today I could not have the best mental health, or have a bigger than average type of body, but it is on my own decision to do something about it to be healthier. Today I do not have a degree, and I am still in an entry level position at my job, but I am working on reaching that level of education and get that promotion with my efforts. I am where I am, because of the things I have done to be here, and I will be where I want to be, because of the things I am doing at this very moment of my life.

While most of the things we have done in life are thanks to that societal position where we are, sometimes we never stop to think about any possible scenarios of our life if a part of it was different than it is, until we understand that there is not just one single path we can follow, and without becoming anxious about the future, we must know that it is completely fine to be where we are, as long as we know that we will be better by doing those little things on our personal to-do list. I came to think that life was not fair to me because of my social identity, but I came to realize that it is not fair to anyone on their own eyes, and we may not notice but there are parts of us that we do not see, but people that doesn’t have them, does. This is why despite those parts that I would change on my life, I understood how to feel fortunate about the place where I am.

References

Faizah, S. N. (n.d.). THE ROLE OF THE FAMILY IN FORMING CHILDREN’S SOCIAL. Indonesia.

Tatum, B. D. (2000). The Complexity of Identity: “Who Am I?”.