My Identity

I am a white woman who has experienced privilege. But there have also been many struggles. Living in different regions and witnessing other perspectives has helped me learn how to make an impact on society. Upbringing, family life, and hard learned lessons have given me an identity that I have to fight every day to overcome.

I was born in 1978 in Charlottesville, VA. My father was in the military, and we lived outside of D.C. until second grade. We resided in Jacksonville, FL through middle school and I graduated high school in a small town in Illinois close to St. Louis, MO. After graduation I volunteered at Marineland which relocated me every 4 months to locations all over the U.S. and abroad. Family life was complicated. I come from an alcoholic, unfaithful father, and an angry, impatient mother. I have four half-siblings from my father’s infidelities. After a lot of therapy, they ended up in a healthy marriage to this day. All my siblings are scattered across the country, and we are not close. My schooling was a blur. I have ADHD and was expected to learn at the same rate as my peers in the 80’s and 90’s. I struggled severely to focus and retain memory while studying. The negative result caused me to escape into drugs and alcohol. I do not remember how I graduated; high school was a blur. I was not developmentally mature until my late 20’s, but by then I had a child of my own to worry about. Now, he is older, and I have the time management skills and proper medication to focus on academics. I have a lot of core memories and experiences that shaped who I am as a person. I have survived kidnapping, and sexual assault. I have been homeless and owned a home. I have experienced living in the south and witnessed and defended brutal racism and hate. Also, in the PNW, defending the south because there are a lot of beauty and wonderful people there. There are as many good memories as there are bad. I have lived a balanced life. My life is completely different now. Once I became a mother, I started living a structured healthy life. I try to take care of my health and work and save for retirement. My son was born with bone deformations from the hips down. At 5 he was diagnosed with Autism and at 7 he was diagnosed with OCD. At puberty he started suffering from severe depression. He is such a cool kid with so many struggles. I try to make his life a happy life with more good memories than bad. I am on my own and doing the best I can and bettering myself has become a happy journey.

Anything is possible, so writing about parts of my identity I cannot change is a challenge. I cannot change my race. I am white. It breaks something inside of me every time I see people get treated differently because of the color of their skin. My skin color has caused me to get away with things I should not have undoubtably. I grew up on a military base with people from all over the world and realized my privilege at an early age. I have worked in all black school districts in the south and had to advocate for my bus kid’s parents because they were not being heard. If I get upset there must be an issue, but if a black woman gets upset, she needs to calm down. If you speak with a deep southern accent, some will think you are less intelligent. I have helped Hispanic neighbors in my apartment draft emails to get fair rent. I will not sit quietly while an injustice is happening. That is wrong. I have lost count how many times I have been treated unfairly for being female. It is not as bad as when I was young, but the damage is done. Many men feel the need to give unsolicited advice because they think they are smarter. If I defend myself in a conversation, then I must be on my period. I like to keep my mind open and do not claim a religion, but often I am shamed for not being Christian. I am shown less respect for bring an unwed single mother, and not owning a home.

How can people believe they have everything figured out about you in just a few minute details? Life is too short to judge others negatively. I am a lifetime learner, and judging people by their parts they cannot change will stunt your intellectual and emotional growth. “I have always believed, and still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way, we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.” – Hermann Hesse