Exploring Identity 

“I’m not the one you knew I’m now and then combined…”. This lyrism from ABBA’s hit song ‘I Still Have Faith in You’ elaborates on identity as a development. The use of adjectives as part of identity are a main descriptor to a person’s ambience, but these simple words don’t encapsulate that entire experience and development of an individual. That’s why it’s significant to be aware of one’s identity to know their character and how to interact with these different characters in societal boundaries. At any moment of time, identity can always be questioned. This can be seen in the assembly of my early life to present, my ethnicity, and decisions.

Being the blacksmith in my life, I vigorously refined it with my experiences. Beginning as a sheltered clump of metal that lived and grew only in Washington to being moldable for the first stages of my adulthood. What settles me to the present day was the reliance on my family as I have a constant bustling household that caters for 12 people at a time including my six sisters and one brother. All these opposing personalities were bound to clash. There was a time when I pestered my little brother to the point where, while running after him, he tripped, hit his head, and got stitches. This experience redefined how I treat my siblings now, with much more care. I’ve also learned to be more patient and workable towards my siblings, hoping that they’d grow up to know about these mannerisms. And despite these entanglements, I stayed sane because of school by connecting to my teachers, meeting my two best friends, and keeping busy with sports such as track and field. My life was alleviated as time went on because I began to know adult responsibilities from working to finances. During that time, I’ve also had space to explore more opportunities such as my interests in food and relationships.

In sharpening the tool, it depends on the materialistic attributes that are uncontrollable. Concerning the things that are uncontrollable, they usually would have the biggest impact in my life and finalizes the type of instrument I can be. One defining aspect would be my ethnicity, being Asian American, I can’t change the way that I’ve lived differently from others or what kind of culture I grew up in. I can’t explain to someone what it feels to abstain myself to Asian standards when it comes to maintenance, education, or relationships. I also can’t begin to explain the prejudice and growing Asian hate circulating around and its influence on me and my family. Because of these differences — society known for outlawing matters that are not within the boundaries — has put me in a less dominant position to undermine the contributions that our group has made and set us to similar role or description. Moments where I’ve experienced and seen Asian exoticization further demonstrates society’s ascendancy over our community. Especially as a woman, it’s become more dehumanizing with the exposure of media portraying woman as docile and obedient. Other moments were where intelligence was judged from first impressions. I ‘ve encountered individuals that made conclusions on my math knowledge, expecting higher learning capabilities in this subject while saying “but you’re Asian” when they become disappointed. Substantially, confinements and expectations are made towards Asians to however is fit and explainable and determined how my mindset on society and my role has matured.

Choosing is a significant part to constructing the mechanism to the tool with how you hammer certain areas and the time you choose to spend on it. Akin, the individual choices made framed my thoughts and gestures to be distinctive from others. The main moral set I’ve been equipped with includes showing empathy and consideration in conflicts, as well as not taking things personally or to not holding grudges. There have been a lot of injustices that happened in my lifetime, and there is also a tendency for people to always remember yourself at the lowest part of your life. In my case, I remember friendships falling out and being in the position to choose and mediate the different sides. This stress-inducing experience taught me consideration especially to how to express my thoughts and the word choices I should use. The morals I’ve learned due to the decisions I’ve made set in motion the outlook of my identity.

The different components of my life are significant milestones that embody my identity. With the relationship between childhood experience and its present-day influence — the negative encounters I’ve had as an Asian Pacific American and the decisions that are indicative of my moral identity – it’s stitched my existence. By knowing my capabilities, my flaws, and my beliefs, this can entail paths that are possible for me to take. Paths at which I can maintain myself or paths that prompt improvement. This kind of self-knowledge and self-confidence are the foundations and support to this journey of existence.